(See, those are Hostess products in that cage up there. I know you knew that. But….well, my kids had no idea what that stuff was, sooo….)
I don't know about you, but my whole life has been leading up to 2012: the year the Mayans stopped keeping track of dates and times and sporting events and lunch with the girls. The year when mysterious life tracking by that mysterious race inexplicably ceased. The year when, by popular consensus, the world will end cataclysmically and all will return to the mouldering cosmic dust from whence it came.
Could be freaky.
The thing is, I've never been one to believe in crazypants Nostradamus-esque predictions. The occasional conspiracy theory, yes. But ancient American Long Calendars predicting the end of the world one month following a major U.S. presidential election? Psh! Psh, I say!
Then I googled "Hostess," because, as I said, it was post-election and I have been stress-craving a vanilla Zinger for like a year. I didn't want to overdo it, though, so I thought perhaps simply gazing upon an image of the tender, cream-filled, toothsome vanilla frosted delight would be enough. Like any red-blooded American woman I have my ultra-stress-go-to-treat. But I do have self-control, and only indulge when I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Or when I need a little pick-me-up. Or when it's getting close to Christmas and my shopping isn't done yet. Or when I breathe. For reals. And no, I don't know exactly which local gas stations always keep them in stock, and for how long, and which flavors.
Anyway, I googled Hostess, and, shriek! Hostess is closed! Finit! Kaput! Gone! All because of a strike and a union with too many initials! Gone.
My world has ended.
Just like the Mayans said, bless their hearts. Apparently they knew the value of a good snack cake.
You know what though? The Mayan Long Calendar doesn't have to be right. We could thwart it. Everybody could chill out and work together and fix this. We need Zingers, people! Thwarting the end-of-the-world rests upon it. This is America! At least it is until December 21st! Don't let our creamy insides die!
On the other hand, there are lots of other snack companies out there. I mean, maybe we can all branch out, you know? Try something new. Like this company I just found from Australia that puts out chips and snacks. They're called Majan's, and they did not pay me to say that. Nope. I just thought they sounded good. Innocent little Majan's…wait. Doesn't that look suspiciously like….Mayan's?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
(Seriously, Hostess did not pay me to talk-up their products. They don't have the money. Majan's didn't either. We don't know each other. It's just me talking here.)
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