Success: It’s All in How You Say it, Babes.

I want to show you something brought to my attention by the Internet. And my son. (FYI, these are my screenshots, which I am sure you can tell by their exquisite professionalism and clarity and stuff.):

If these two searches were young men showing up on your doorstep about to propose to your daughter, which one would  you allow in?

If these were doctors about to treat you for pancreatic myopic infarction, would you choose the doctor on the left or the right?

If these were shoes you wanted to wear to Paris Fashion Week, would you wear the Birkenstocks (liberal) or the Jimmy Choos (conservative)?  (Get it? Liberal or Conservative? Left or Right? Birkenstocks or Jimmy Choos? Bahhhaha! I crack me up. *sniff *)

Yep. That's pretty much how it is in life, folks. Getting a "C U L8TR" from my attorney would earn him a Non Compos Mentis from me. Like, I would totally cut and run if he ever spoke to me like that, dude.

As much as I hate to say it, HOW you say it does make a difference. It makes a difference in how others perceive you. It makes a difference in what they'll seek you out for. Baby, it even makes a difference in what the search engines will bring up.

You don't need to have an Ivy League education to leave a positive impression, or give someone confidence in what you have to offer. You just need to sprinkle your writing liberally with full-blown, real live words. And those can be found in any dictionary. At the very least it might save you from this High Schooler's tragic fate on her "What I Did For Summer Vacation" essay:

"My smmr hols wr CWOT. B4, we used 2go2 NY 2C my bro, his GF & thr 3 :- kids FTF. ILNY, it's a gr8 plc."

(CNN – from HS essay hoax)

Hmmm. You know? Herman Melville could have learned a thing or two from that student. Might have cut Moby Dick into a pamphlet. A tragedy of itty bitty proportions. Wonder how that might have looked?

"Call me Ishmael" = "911 Ishmael"

Hey! I like that!

So, like, all that stuff I wrote up there? Nvr mnd.

(BONUS ROUND – See if you can tell what books these textified opening lines come from:)

1) itz a truth universaly acnowledgd, dat a sngle mn n possession of a gudfortuN, must B n wnt of a yF.

2) Lolita, lyt of my lyf, fyr of my lns

3) twas a brite cold dy n Apr, n d clocks wr striking 13

4) twas A1 of tyms, tws d wrst of tyms

5) twas a drk n strmy nyt