Hello my friends. Flu-girl here. We have the plague at my house. It’s been going on for about 3 weeks. And it has run through everybody, including Momma. But you know how that goes, right? Momma don’t get no breaks. Daddy neither. But I’ve learned a thing or two about how to host a sickness this past month, and I thought I share them with you.
How to Have a Plague Party at your house:
1. Do not sterilize your doorknobs, lightswitches and other communally touched handles or surfaces in your home once your first child comes down with the nausea-dizzy-sniffles. Germs like to partay. The more the merrier. Create an atmosphere conducive to sharing. A Boisterous Bacteriophage Bash, if you will.
2. Do not change the towels in the bathrooms or kitchen. Towels are the emergency gathering point for Baculoviridae. If there is a preponderance of health at your house, viruses begin shrieking “To the Towels! Don’t Fire Until You See the Whites Of Their Platelets!” Towels are the primary staging grounds for mass viral movements.
3. The Influenza Virus becomes an enormous Tea-Party operation when the Host doesn’t want to miss school because of the homework load and the Host’s mother is so busy she misses the little Host-child’s greenness around the gills, wobbly gait, and snuffleupagus sinuses. Because of this she sends the Host-child to school anyway. The Viral Tea-Party movement bursts violently onto the scene once Host-child arrives at school, starts to get nauseated, runs to the bathroom, calls Host-mom, asks for a Tums, then proceeds to herk all over her cell phone. Repeatedly. Whilst apologizing pitifully for said herking in Host-mom’s ear.
4. Retrieve all plaguey little Host-children from school, where synchronized vomiting has commenced, and bring them home, tucking them into bed with individual vomit-bowls, plates of saltine crackers (the nausea cure-all) (right?) and materials of mass distraction. Then feel really guilty for having sent them to school in the first place and stay up all night taking care of them so your immune system is trashed and you are completely infiltrated by little tea-partying, bacteriophage-bashing, baculoviridae-gathering flu-bugs too.
5. Get sick and then give it to your significant other. Then make sure you are tough and still do your shopping and cooking and volunteer work so you can spread the joy. And this is how you host a plague.
Okay, I didn’t actually do number 5. But I’ve sometimes done it. And I often have to talk my husband out of doing it because he has a fierce sense of duty and of getting things done and sometimes forgets that other people have virus-tea-party staging-grounds in their bodies too.
So. This is why there was no post on Wednesday. It’s why there’s no recipe today. If I so much as look at a food picture, I shall hurl. Plus, I didn’t think a recipe for purchasing all natural applesauce would be that exciting for you, and that’s all I’ve been cooking this week. But, I do have a smashing recipe for chocolate chip coconut banana cookies which I will throw up here as soon as I am no longer too nauseated to do so.
Er, perhaps “throw up here” was a bad word choice.
Anywhoopdiedoo, Here’s a link (Click here. Right here. That’s right. Here) to my Friday article over on Challenging the Gnome. It’s entitled: “Come On, Hollywood. You Can Do Better Than That”. And it’s a little bit of a rant about the state of what Hollywood is calling “Art” these days. With funny clips at the end.
As for something funny for your fresh and non-flu-ish enjoyment here on Bits, how ’bout this:
BAAAAAhahahaha!. Doesn’t she know it takes three sprays?
so funny, the video, not your hostoriffic week. Sure enjoy your writings.