I have noticed that writers of any credibility include in their blogs their curriculum vitae–their list of writing qualifications, or brag-sheet, if you will. And frankly, I feel the pressure. Yes. I feel the pressure from my peers in the writing world, though they may not know it, to include here the synopsis, nay, the compendium, the rundown, the abstract, bio, précis, even the narrative saga of my work. (Let it not be said that I do not know how to use a thesaurus.)
So here it is. Enjoy. I'm probably famous.
Janiel Miller. Author, Writer, Raconteur, and Epistolarian.
–I was born, and then went to elementary school, and then learned to write. With those super fat pencils they used to have children use, as if we were blind, had ginormous hands, and no fine motor skills. None of my own kids ever wrote with those things. I feel kind of traumatized over it. It's probably why I have a problem with hyperbole. Also, why did we have to write on that weird grey paper that like fell apart if you erased in one spot too many times? Geez.
-I wrote my first book in 1971. It was a story about a polar bear and a deer who were wandering about in the forest (which leads one to question the quality of education I was receiving in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. in the 1970's.) They got their heads cut off. I didn't say how, so clearly the book was a mystery. But the two ran into each other right exactly where their heads were cut off, and wuhBAM! They combined and mixed up, becoming the ubiquitous "Polardeer." Yep. The "Polardeer." Which is, in fact, cousin to the "Jackalope," an animal I also invented. Along with spray-cheese.
-I attended college in an undisclosed location that had nothing whatsoever to do with a post-office box through which I received an inordinate number of plain brown envelopes during the 1980's. All you need to know is that I have a degree. On my wall. Signed by the postmaster general.
-Publication simply follows me around. I can't seem to do anything about it. Publishers LEAP at a chance to work with me. Like those Publisher's Clearinghouse-guys? Those dudes just won't leave me alone. Always asking me to send them stuff. ENOUGH ALREADY! heh heh. I'm just kidding. I'll work with them. It is a bit weird, though. All they ever ask me to do is put stickers on stuff and send it back. Huh.
-Of course, every silver lining has a cloud. I did not receive the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature. I did not go to Oslo, Norway to not receive the Nobel Peace Prize for Literature. I went to Loogootee, Indiana to not get it. It's a lovely town. I used to drive through it all the time on my way to Evansville. Evansville is where I did not win the Oscar.
-In the meantime, I have put in my application to win the Pulitzer, and am still waiting to hear back. I'll let you know . . .
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