Support Your Local Sheriff. And Stuff.

Tonight I observed an annual tradition in the Miller home: Traffic School. It was so festive! The lights were on. Chairs lined up perfectly. The Officer was gaily festooned in his uniform of kakis and shirtsleeves. Friends and neighbors gathered ’round the chalkboard, laughing and singing songs of speeding tickets and traffic violations from days of yore. Tales were told of long forgotten turn signals, ignored speed limits, and my favorite: who has the right of way in the through traffic lanes of a two-way stop when one is turning left and the other going straight and both of their lines of sight are blocked and both need to get where they are going, and one of them is sure they left the stove on?

But it is the music of which I am most fond. Ah, the songs of the season! Who can hear these carols and not feel something warm welling up from the pit of their stomach: “O Speeding Fee,” “Rudy the Red-Nosed Beer-Deer (You’ll Go Down, Indemniteeeee),” “All I Want For Christmas is My License Back,” “Go Dry Out, Merry Gentlemen,” “Here Comes Legal Clause,””Go Tell It To The Judge,” “I’ll Be Out By Christmas,” and my personal favorite, “D U Hear What I Hear?”

And now it is over. The speeding ticket torn in tatters. The lights out. The promises not to overindulge again made to self. It’s all sort of . . . . sad. And lonely. But, time passes quickly. Before I know it there will be another set of red lights threatening my rear-view mirror. And I’ll have that wonderful opportunity, yet again, to spend an evening preventing a law enforcement officer from catching REAL criminals.

**The author received no gifts or waiving of tickets for her endorsement of the law-enforcement profession. Also, she has the greatest respect for police officers, especially as she is related to one. Even though he does nothing to get her out of tickets. She means, NOTHING. It’s okay. She COMPLETELY supports him in this little bit of selfishne . . . standing strong in his responsibilities.