So, my boys are sick again today. They say they have a stomach ache and a headache and a throat ache and a whole lot of icky goo in their throats. I find it a collective coincidence that both boys are sick when neither boy actually wants to be at school right now.
Youngest is bored to pieces with the 2nd grade review they are doing in 3rd grade ("Mom. I learned all that stuff last year. I already know everything. I can stay home until they're done with the review–in NOVEMBER)").
And oldest is wondering what he got himself into with his first year of High School and all that Chemistry and Algebra and English and German and History and Health and Driver's Ed and stuff. Plus Marching Band-HolycowcanyoubelievehowmuchtimeweareexpectedtoputintomarchingbandImeanholysmokingcowwegotbackatmidnightlastnightwhenarewesupposedtogetourhomeworkdone?
Yeah. Over-freaking-whelmed. I look forward to the day he figures all of this out and is just, you know, whelmed.
Germs are very fickle. When you're a kid they mostly strike when you want to get out of something. Then as adults they mostly strike when you don't want to get out of something. Like, I love to sing. Beyond love. It's a sickness with me (notice how I cleverly worked in a reference to sickness right there, thus matching the theme of my post? Yeah. I'm that good.) Especially Christmas music. It is beyond spiritually elevating and edifying. It fills my whole soul with joy. And for the entirety of my older teenage-hood I got laryngitis every Christmas and couldn't sing. Every. Christmas. Serious bummerage.
Then I decided I wasn't having that anymore. Wasn't getting sick at Christmas ANY MORE. So I didn't. Huh. How interesting.
Couldn't figure out how all these things were possible, until I read this enlightening article that talked about how Louis Pasteur essentially made up the whole idea that germs bring sickness, and that the truth is germs are merely attracted to tissue that is already sick. So, if we just stay healthy and happy we won't get any germs. Refrain from turning our bodies into toxic condos, and the bacteriophages will take their tiny little suitcases, sunglasses, and bermuda shorts elsewhere. Louis apparently made a killing off of this bit of misinformation. Lived comfortably on the proceeds from the unnecessary drugs everyone started buying to ward off illness. He even reportedly said on his deathbed something like: "Dudes. It ain't about the germs. It's about the environment in which they live." (Except he said it with a French accent: "Duuudes eet eesn't abaaaaut ze jerrrms. etc.)
So if I put Louis' words together with my Christmas findings and my boys' reticence to be in school right now, then I believe I have made an astonishing discovery: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GERMS AT ALL! We make them up, according to whatever our desires are.
There. See? I've solved all of the world's problems. The pharmaceutical companies will be so happy.
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